Part 3: From first outline to treatment

Project: Writing a Proposal

Exercise: Capturing the Essence

As a very well known story, I have chosen to use the Tale of the Three Little Pigs as the basis for my first exercise in Part 3.

Three innocent pigs each build themselves a house in the woods to live in. The first and second pig spend little time and thought on the construction of their houses, using straw and sticks which are readily available and easy to carry, so that they have more leisure time. The third pig puts much thought, time and effort into building a solid house of bricks. A ferocious and hungry wolf stalks the pigs, who try to escape by hiding in their houses. The wolf easily destroys the first two houses, forcing all three pigs to hide into the last remaining house, which was built by the third pig. Unable to destroy the house of bricks, the wolf climbs down the chimney in a desperate attempt to catch and eat the pigs.  However, he falls to his death into a pot of boiling water, put there by the pigs.  This is a story of hard work and morality triumphing over evil forces. 

I found this quite an interesting exercise in not only forming a good basis for a proposal, but also revisiting the main facts of the story before continuing to write a treatment.  Unlike the outline seen in my last assignment, this proposal contains only the barest and most vital facts of the story. 

The main difficulty I had when writing the proposal was to try to raise the word count!  The course material suggests writing around 200 words, however I feel, after careful deliberation, that my 161 word proposal above does actually incorporate all of the main themes of this story.

Exercise: Analyse a Proposal

Below is the original proposal, followed by my reflections and my own attempt at re-editing.

LONG DISTANCE LOVE
A romantic comedy about two people going through the cycle of an entire relationship over the course of a long-haul flight.  Sam’s split up with his girlfriend, and is going on their romantic holiday alone; hoping a trip to Singapore will help him forget.  Sam’s miserable but resigned.  He has a theory that all relationships go through the same inevitable cycle.  People get together, go through the same routines, and inevitably split up.  Kitty is also heading for Singapore.  Seconded to an Asian bank, she’s looking forward to a new beginning.  She fully believes that somewhere in the world there’s a perfect man just for her, and that she will then live happy ever after.  Maybe he’s in Singapore?  Remarkably, over the course of this flight, Sam and Kitty meet, flirt, have a first date, make love, fall in love, have a blissful couple of hours, start to irritate each other, flirt around, cheat, have a massive argument, break up, have a bonus shag, then barely acknowledge each other.  Their preconceptions about love are challenged by their relationship with each other – and it seems that cynical Sam was right.  But, in the end, will he be? 

My first observation about this proposal was its title; ‘Long Distance Love’ seems like a very generic title and gives the audience no clues towards the themes or ideas within the story.  In my ‘re-edit’ I have changed the title to ‘Love in Flight’ as it gives the audience a clearer idea about the themes and the setting.

I found the original proposal to contain huge amounts of information about the characters and plot.  Although this gave me a very clear idea about the story, I felt as those these details would be better saved for an outline or treatment.  As a result, my version below contains many of the same facts, but removes many of the more irrelevant information such as ‘Sam’s romantic holiday alone’. 

It was clear from the proposal that the writer was trying to convey the stark differences in the characters outlook on love, however, for the purposes of a proposal I felt as though this could be explained in a much simpler way e.g. ‘love-cynic Sam’ and ‘idealistic Kitty’.

Below is my final attempt at re-editing ‘LONG DISTANCE LOVE’.

LOVE IN FLIGHT

Following a relationship break up, love-cynic Sam boards a plane to Singapore hoping to forget about his former love.  At the same time, idealistic and single Kitty boards the same plane preparing to start a new life in Asia.   Throughout the course of the flight Sam and Kitty meet, fall in love, live in bliss for a short period before cracks appear and the two break up.  Their preconceptions about love are challenged by their relationship with each other but will Sam’s cynicism about love be proved?  This is an opposites attract story that challenges ideas around relationships, love and break-ups.

Overall, I feel that my version of the proposal contains the same basic facts, but doesn’t give too much information away about the plot or story events.   As the main event, Sam and Kitty’s relationship is clearly described in my 100-word proposal, but I have neglected, at this stage, to reveal to many of the plot twists etc. 

Exercise: Write your own proposal

When writing my own proposal I wanted to make sure that my work didn’t contradict the advice given within the course material about avoiding:

·       Vagueness

·       Lengthy descriptions of place, mood and atmosphere

·       Descriptions of character isolated from the story.    

However, I want to ensure that this proposal contains the main story events, introduces the main characters and explores the setting in an interesting, but concise way. 

Sally, a morally just and old-fashioned girl, returns home from university to find that her parents have committed suicide and that all young people are displaying strange changes in the behaviour.  After discovering that the older generations are mysteriously committing suicide too, Sally stumbles across a resistance group (meeting her lover, Blaine) who uncover the secret that people are being brainwashed by subliminal messaging through popular music.  As the resistance try to uncover the truth, the country slips further into chaos and destruction.  Sally discovers that the newly elect Prime Minister is responsible and as the sense of a broken society sets in, uncharacteristic traits of each character are seen, leading to Sally murdering her lover Blaine in a violent rage. Torn by her emotions and her morals, Sally intends to assassinate the PM but upon hearing his speech realises that she herself is ‘infected’.  Who does she kill – herself or the PM? 

After having some initial ideas about the structure of this proposal, I actually found this an extremely difficult exercise.  The fact that I have ‘insider’ knowledge of the story proved to be a further difficulty as I had to, at every opportunity, assess whether I had included all of the relevant information.    After reviewing my first draft I found a large story event which I had missed, essentially ‘missing the point’ of my story to the unsuspecting reader! 

However, I believe that the above proposal gives a good clear and concise description of the main story events, adding intrigue and excitement for the reader.  I was very careful to ensure that I didn’t include too much character, background or setting information and hope that I have given enough information for the reader to ‘bite’. 

At this stage, I am still struggling to write a suitable title for this piece.  Therefore, I will wait until I can find a title which both gives clues to the story, and reflects its themes.