Project: Knowing where to Cut

As I found out from my earlier research, it is essential for a screenwriter to be economical with text and therefore use imagery and audio input to tell the story.  I found the comparison between the two scenes of The Bill in my course material very enlightening.  Although the scenes in the extract tell the same story, it was extremely interesting to see that during the editing process, the entire direction of the scene changed.  What was originally set over three different settings and time periods was ‘economised’ to be a more action-driven scene, limiting the setting and characters to the minimum. 

By creating action visually, as has been achieved in the scenes mentioned above, the need for lengthy dialogue and in-depth description is removed.  This means that the writer can focus on using the dialogue to enhance the storytelling, as opposed to relying on the characters to physically ‘tell the story’.    This not only helps to create a ‘flow’ within the story event, but also helps to keep the audience engaged and ‘in touch’ with the characters and situations. 

Exercise: Losing the words

In this short selection of scenes from the course material, it was clear that the main story event focuses around Helen receiving a phone call alerting her that an unknown person has been involved in an accident.  As Helen and her husband rush to the hospital we discover more about Helen’s weakness and feelings of guilt over the accident.  John’s overreactions to her behaviour demonstrate a little more about his character.  There are suggestions throughout, from directions and dialogue, suggesting marital problems and tension between the pair.

My initial impressions of these scenes were that whilst the story event itself was quite gripping, there was a large amount of dialogue and direction that could be removed to create a more visual scene for the audience.  Below is my attempt at re-editing the scenes in order to economise and create a more engaging scene sequence for the audience. 

Scene 1

Bedroom INT.  Helen’s phone starts ringing of the nightstand.  John groans and stirs as Helen turns on the bedside lamp and reaches for her phone.

HELEN

Hello… yes speaking…

JOHN

[groaning] Tell me it’s not Mr. Woodward.

HELEN

…oh my God…

[she swings her legs at sits up on the edge of the bed]

…How badly is…

[John sits up and puts his hand on Helen’s shoulder.  She shrugs it off.]

…I’ll be there soon.

[Helen hangs up and cradles the phone in her lap.]

Scene 2

Car INT.  John and Helen are speeding to the hospital on empty roads.  The two have clearly dressed in a hurry and Helen has been crying.

JOHN

…A road traffic accident they said.  That could mean anything.

HELEN

[crying]

I’m being punished. We. That’s what it feels like.  I was with you from six…. I wasn’t there.

JOHN

[snapping]

Stop it! It’s happened, that’s it.  It’s not your fault, it’s not my fault. 

HELEN

Everything comes back on you.  I didn’t even get to say goodbye.

JOHN

[beginning to show emotion]

How do you think I feel? Did you stop to think about how I feel?

[John screeches the car to a halt outside the Hospital.]

I found this exercise very interesting as it not only gave me a experience of cutting dialogue without affecting the story, but also gave me insight into the story and characters.  For example, by the time I had finished rewriting the scenes, I began to wonder if Helen and John we having an affair and it was actually Helen’s husband who had been in the accident. 

Although this was a useful exercise, I feel that it would have been more helpful to have had access to the storyline to enable me to really understand which parts of the directions and dialogue may later be important or influential.